In those moments, you feel helpless and like a victim. How much you would like to express your opinion, state your wishes, or your boundaries.
But what if…? What if they don’t like you anymore after you said it? What if you’ll start an argument and they shout back ten times worse? What if they abuse you like it happened to you as a child?
All of that is what is called ‘The fear of conflicts’. If you found yourself in those What-if questions, you have to know that all these worries and concerns are not normal and that there are certain things you can do about it.
The fear of conflict often comes from your childhood. Maybe your parents argued a lot, either with you or each other. Maybe they abused you, physically or mentally, every time you expressed an opinion they didn’t shared. Maybe you were punished when you argued about something with ignorance, rejection, outburst of anger or with withdrawal of affection.
All of these things can lead to a fear of conflict and they can be the reason why you do certain things during or after an argument. One of the symptoms is that you often apologize. It can be a small argument, not even something important, but you’re thinking about it the whole time, asking yourself if the other person might still be mad and whether you should apologize again even if you already did, while the other person already forgot about it.
You might also feel weak during the argument. As soon as someone raises their voice at you, you look down, avoiding eye contact. You’re not talking back, and if you are, your voice is quiet, almost a whisper, a silent plea to stop shouting, while you don’t move, your body feeling as if it is being paralyzed.
You also might cry during or after an argument. That is, because your body is under enormous pressure and it releases all this stress through tears.
One of the biggest symptoms is you putting other people’s feelings above your own. You’re too scared to ask or stand for your own wishes and wants, not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings and too afraid of the possibility of starting an argument.
But just because you might feel all these things and do all these things, doesn’t mean that it has to be like that forever. There are things you can do, to teach and show your body and your mind, that arguments are nothing bad and that there’s no reason to be afraid of them.
There are things you can do in your everyday life. Learn to say no. Do something you know will be rejected, for example, asking in a sports clothes shop if they also have sport bikes. Complain about something. Hold eye contact while speaking to someone. Start with small things and teach yourself that way, that it’s not bad being rejected and raising your voice and that if you do, nothing bad will happen.
Communicate your boundaries in your relationships. If you tell them your fears and limits, they can understand you better and are able to help you.
You can also try going into therapy where you can learn all those things with a professional.
Learn to be more confident. Don’t be afraid to take up space and to speak louder and also to let yourself speak. All that can help to get more confidence and with that, to get the courage to address your wishes or concerns so that you’re never afraid to say what’s on your mind again!
Citations
Cuncic, Arlin. “How to Overcome Your Fear of Conflict.” Verywell Mind, 7 April 2024, https://www.verywellmind.com/how-do-i-get-over-my-fear-of-conflict-with-others-3024828. Accessed 2 November 2025.
Gutierrez, Barbara. “Why do we cry?” University of Miami News, 25 June 2024, https://news.miami.edu/stories/2024/06/why-do-we-cry.html. Accessed 2 November 2025.
“Why Am I So Afraid of Conflict? A Therapist Weighs In.” The Everygirl, 3 October 2018, https://theeverygirl.com/why-am-i-so-afraid-of-conflict/. Accessed 2 November 2025.
Wolf, Doris. “Keine Angst vor Konflikten – 9 Tipps, wie du mit der Angst vor Konflikten umgehen kannst | PAL Verlag.” Psychotipps, https://www.psychotipps.com/selbsthilfe/angst-vor-konflikten.html. Accessed 2 November 2025.
