Grudges: Why People Don’t Always Forgive and Forget

Have you ever been in a situation where you can’t “forgive and forget” something even if it’s something you usually tend to do? Well, this is called holding a grudge. And you may do it without even realizing!

Holding grudges isn’t always a conscious thing people do, nor is it always something super personal to the individual or situation the grudge is being held against. 

“But what exactly is a grudge?” You may be asking. 

To hold a grudge means to to maintain long-term feelings of anger, resentment, and bitterness toward someone because of a past wrong or insult.

Like mentioned before, you may hold a grudge against someone without even realizing it. It’s not always a conscious thing. 

Some reasons you could be holding a grudge on someone could be just about anything, big situation or small. It could be something like a significant hurt, repeated lack of consideration, emotional factors, as well as psychological ones. 

Holding a grudge may be affecting the way you live your everyday life, and you may have one against people without even realizing it. 

They can make you bitter, and less happy. Being constantly angry with someone can be exhausting. But however, it’s normal to feel this way sometimes. Something someone said, or something someone has done to you can stick for a very long time, and rightfully so.

Circling back to how it can affect your everyday life, holding a grudge can get in the way of peace. It can cause damage to your relationships, drains your energy, and can cause social isolation. (American Behavioral Clinics). 

And even these causes can make your anger towards the person(s) or situation stronger. You may blame the way you feel on it. 

Holding grudges may seem necessary, and sometimes they are. But feeling symptoms of depression, social isolation, anxiety, damage to relationships, dips in your energy, and disrupting your peace isn’t. Something you can do if you have a lingering feeling of any of these things, is talking to someone about it. Letting it all out. Whether it’s having a conversation with the person you’re feeling emotion towards, or talking to a trusted adult, friend, etc. 

Work Cited

“Holding a Grudge Can Ruin Your Health.” American Behavioral Clinics, 29 June 2023, https://americanbehavioralclinics.com/holding-a-grudge-can-ruin-your-health/. Accessed 24 October 2025.